You have been in my life for far longer than I ever realised, skulking about in the shadows like a malevolent troll. You slowly depleted my confidence and wiped the smile from my face, and yet all the time I thought I was to blame. I believed that I was too weak, too boring, and too insignificant and I almost let you win.
You made me feel so lonely that I believed there was an invisible wall around me. I began to feel discouraged by everything the future had to offer. You got to me in so many ways; emotionally, physically and spiritually. I could no longer find comfort in the things that once helped boost my wellbeing. You cut me off from the beautiful world and laughed as I floundered in the choking fear that tried to drown me.
Maybe it was you that contributed to the physical pains I endure every day. My muscles scream with every movement. I ache all the time, I can’t sleep and I embark on moments on self-destruction with my diet, but I think you feed on these debilitating feelings. You thrive on negative energy and found an inviting home in my suffering.
You distorted how I saw the world, stripping away the abundance of love and friendship that surrounded me and made me believe that I was alone. I saw myself as a burden to my friends; I supposed that I had become the negative force in their lives and trusted that they would be better off without me.
I understand that you may always be a part of my life but I refuse to let you win. You can take away my light and make me feel inadequate; you can terrorise me into considering that I have no control, but you are wrong. Yes, I will have bad days, but that’s okay because I now realise that every morning, when I wake, I have a choice – and I choose to defeat you.
I vow to live my life with passion, creativity and love. We aren’t on this incredible planet for long and you have taken far too much from me already. Tomorrow, I will rise like the sun and let my light shine because you will have retreated into the shadows.
Thank you for the lesson you have given me but I’m now fully qualified to take back control.